A clean, well-lighted place.

Since writing has become the majority and priority of my daily life in terms of “a job”, my interest of writing something belongs to me is receding everyday.

It’s bad. Also good.

I bought a recorder, a years-awaited desire, before the inclusive interview yesterday. It’s actually a birthday present from someone close to me, though the process of getting it is in no way romantic. But like you said, let’s just be practical for now.

I was expecting the recorder can to some extent fix the blank of the forgone writing, though I know it won’t. I got no idea what I will talk about if I was talking to no one, not even myself, but a digital device. And as my concerns kept emerging, I realized something funny.

Maybe, I say maybe — Whilst I’m bothering with all these different manners to record what seems matter, I am just trying to numb myself and bury a fact, that nothing matters enough to be recorded.

But even to me it sounds too relentless. So screw it.

We’re all trivial living creatures and we’ve been happy with that for ages.

自从”写字”以工作的方式侵略式地主导了我的日常生活,对于写点什么这件事,我的兴趣已逐日递减.

这或许很糟糕,却也未尝不是一件好事.

赶在昨天的专访前买了一支录音笔.我已经记不得自己是从什么年纪开始幻想拥有一支录音笔了,但对于可有可无之 物的欲念,总是一耽搁就许多年.而这只录音笔,实际上也是一份来自对我很重要的人的生日礼物.虽然到手的过程毫无礼物的情趣可言,但就像你说的,混社会, 还是实用点比较好.

我曾经期待录音笔可以填补来不及写下或无法写下的那部分空白,尽管这显然不切实际.我甚至根本无法想象自己对着一只录音笔会说些什么,当我知道自己并不是在说给包括自己的任何人听.而在这层出不穷的顾虑之中,我发现一件有意思的事.

会不会,我只是说假如,我费尽力气地用各种途径去尝试记录下一切看起来重要的片段,仅仅是为了麻痹自己去遗忘一个事实:其实没有任何一种生活了不起得需要被记下.

悲观如我,这个猜想也的确是在太冷酷了.

我决定不要再去想它,而专心地记录各种无谓的细节.

毕竟,在某一个足够强大的目光下,我们必定都只是微不足道的生物,况且这微不足道的情景也已经延续了天知道有多久.

I was in the middle of a movie when the messenger box popped out. The time was around two to three in the midnight, I can’t remember exactly. It was Jingjing, who asked me whether I could help her with a survey of her final project.

It later became a hybrid of a nice conversation with her and the rest of the movie. After everything, it was already five a.m. When I was about to sleep after shutting down the machine, the image outside somehow amazed me: the color of the sky has quietly whitened.

Unknown birds were tweeting.

This must be the gentlest overnight I’ve ever made, yet it doesn’t affect the innocence of a dawn.

It may be the same daybreak that one encounters in consciousness or after waking up from a sound sleep. Just two utterly different realizations.

Without any guiltiness I immersed myself in the euphoria by taking photos aimlessly with my dusted Canon. I realized it was foolish when I was doing all these. It was also the foolishness that further intensified my euphoria.

Now I’m losing idea about whether or not to take a poor-quality nap before the breakfast at 10:30.

两三点的时候，我正在看一部电影。一个msn对话框突然跳出来，是处女座的jingjing叫我帮她做一个survey.

于是就在做survey,间歇地和她聊天，间歇地看完下半部电影中，到了5点。关了电脑。正要关灯睡去，发现窗外已经泛了白。不知怎的，那画面突然惊艳了我。

从来没有通过这么轻松的宵。但这并不妨碍黎明的无邪。

在清醒中遇见的清晨，和从沉睡中醒来看到的清晨，是太不相同的。

All from Milan Kundera:

1.
“Happiness is the longing for repetition.”
2.
“She had an overwhelming desire to tell him, like the most banal of women. Don’t let me go, hold me tight, make me your plaything, your slave, be strong! But they were words she could not say.

The only thing she said when he released her from his embrace was, “You don’t know how happy I am to be with you.” That was the most her reserved nature allowed her to express.”




3.
“We all need someone to look at us. we can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under. the first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. the second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. they are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. they are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. this happens to nearly all of them sooner or later. people in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with the eyes they need. then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. one day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark. and finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. they are the dreamers.”




4.
“When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.”




5.
“Two people in love, alone, isolated from the world, that’s beautiful.”


6.
“Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).”




7.
“There is a certain part of all of us that lives outside of time. Perhaps we become aware of our age only at exceptional moments and most of the time we are ageless.”


8.
“But when the strong were too weak to hurt the weak, the weak had to be strong enough to leave.”


9.
“The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers after fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us.”




10.
“Kitsch is the inability to admit that shit exists”


11.
“Love is a continual interrogation. I don’t know of a better definition of love.”




12.
“A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.”


13.
“And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?”

_______________________________________________

One of the many reasons that I admire Milan Kundera is that he tells the truth about life, the truth that most people on earth live in but dare not to admit.