Trivial matters.

 

 

Since writing has become the majority and priority of my daily life in terms of “a job”, my interest of writing something belongs to me is receding everyday.

It’s bad. Also good.

I bought a recorder, a years-awaited desire, before the inclusive interview yesterday. It’s actually a birthday present from someone close to me, though the process of getting it is in no way romantic. But like you said, let’s just be practical for now.

I was expecting the recorder can to some extent fix the blank of the forgone writing, though I know it won’t. I got no idea what I will talk about if I was talking to no one, not even myself, but a digital device. And as my concerns kept emerging, I realized something funny.

Maybe, I say maybe — Whilst I’m bothering with all these different manners to record what seems matter, I am just trying to numb myself and bury a fact, that nothing matters enough to be recorded.

But even to me it sounds too relentless. So screw it.

We’re all trivial living creatures and we’ve been happy with that for ages.

 

 

自从”写字”以工作的方式侵略式地主导了我的日常生活,对于写点什么这件事,我的兴趣已逐日递减.

这或许很糟糕,却也未尝不是一件好事.

赶在昨天的专访前买了一支录音笔.我已经记不得自己是从什么年纪开始幻想拥有一支录音笔了,但对于可有可无之 物的欲念,总是一耽搁就许多年.而这只录音笔,实际上也是一份来自对我很重要的人的生日礼物.虽然到手的过程毫无礼物的情趣可言,但就像你说的,混社会, 还是实用点比较好.

我曾经期待录音笔可以填补来不及写下或无法写下的那部分空白,尽管这显然不切实际.我甚至根本无法想象自己对着一只录音笔会说些什么,当我知道自己并不是在说给包括自己的任何人听.而在这层出不穷的顾虑之中,我发现一件有意思的事.

会不会,我只是说假如,我费尽力气地用各种途径去尝试记录下一切看起来重要的片段,仅仅是为了麻痹自己去遗忘一个事实:其实没有任何一种生活了不起得需要被记下.

悲观如我,这个猜想也的确是在太冷酷了.

我决定不要再去想它,而专心地记录各种无谓的细节.

毕竟,在某一个足够强大的目光下,我们必定都只是微不足道的生物,况且这微不足道的情景也已经延续了天知道有多久.

 

 

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